<snarkiness ahead>
Maybe your intentions are good or maybe you just don’t understand how very fragile and pathetic is the writer’s ego, but some things should NOT be said to a writer. You may get a bland smile and mumbled semi-gracious reply, but what the writer says and what the writer thinks…ah! vast gap between those two.
1. Are you still writing your little books?
Writer thinks: Yes. And thanks for reminding me that I need to buy more crayons so I can finish the illustrations.
2. Have you been published?
Unpublished writer thinks: I’ve been recognized as a fraud! I can never face the world again. Published writer thinks: You’ve never hear of me? I’m a failure! I can never face the world again.
3. What name do you write under?
Writer thinks: My own, but if you don’t know that, I’m a failure! I can never face the world again.
4. I have an idea for a book. You write it and we’ll split the profits.
Writer thinks: I have an idea for an organ donation program. You climb up on the table and I’ll get out my pocketknife.
5. Where do you get your ideas?
Writer thinks: Where do you get YOUR ideas? Or maybe you never have any.…
6. I’ll have to buy one of your books someday.
Writer thinks: How about right now, while we’re in this bookstore and I’m standing in front of you?
7. Give me your agent’s phone number so I can send him my manuscript.
Writer thinks: Give me your credit card number so I can use it to buy a plane ticket to Antarctica, because when my agent learns I’m handing out his phone number there’ll be a hitman coming after me.
8. There’s a mistake on page 84 of your book.
Writer thinks: Thanks for alerting me to that. I’m sure the publisher will want to recall every single copy, including those that have been sold, so it can be corrected.
9. I’m going to write a book someday … when I have a little spare time.
Writer thinks: I’m going to perform brain surgery someday … when I have a little spare time.
10. I like to read mysteries (or other genre) when I’m just too tired to think.
Writer thinks (two years later, when the commenter’s first published book–a mystery–is released): Bless your heart. I guess you just weren’t thinking when you wrote it.
Image by paulracko from Pixabay
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A writer friend of mine, Mike Price, went to a new dentist for the first time. The dentist, making small talk, said “What do you do for a living?
Mike: “I’m a writer.”
Dentist: “Well, whaddaya’ know? I’ve been thinking about writing a book.”
Mike: “That’s the damndest coincidence. I’ve been thinking about pulling some teeth.”
Don’t know how the rest of the appointment went…
I love it!