The channeled ramblings of a discarnate good old boy
Copyright © 2011 by Deborah Adams
Bubba on Board
I am frequently asked, "Who is Bubba and how did you get started channeling him?"
First of all, Bubba is an ornery cuss who took control of my tongue at an all day singing and dinner on the ground.† He was partial to Martha Jo Thompkins' buttermilk pie and, seeing that I planned to have more than my share of it, he decided I'd be a comfortable conduit for him.
Bubba is a discarnate entity, which means he used to be flesh and blood, but now he's dead.† Hunting accident.† I guess deer stands and beer don't mix.† Anyway, he learned a whole lot during his time on this plane and his wisdom has been honed during his service in the spirit world.
Whenever Bubba takes hold of my tongue, he always has something smart to say or some good advice to give. With Bubba's permission, I've written down some of his messages to share with you. As Bubba would say, read it if you take a notion or throw it in the slop bucket if you've a mind to.
BUBBA on the BODY
∑ Follow your tastebuds-- Bliss is a sign you're eatin' what's good for you.
∑ Why bother with self-improvement? You'll be dead before you get it right.
∑ Treat your body like you treat your pickup.† Run it right, keep it tuned, rotate the tires, and don't let some crazy fool get behind the wheel!
∑ The fewer the teeth, the wider the grin.
∑ You're gonna wear out soon enough without rushing it, so save your ticker for important things like fishing and making love.
∑ I done met three ex-people over here who choked to death on tofu. That oughta scare the fat outta your arteries!
∑ A dose of spring tonic is good for clearing out the system. My grandma always swore by turpentine (for wormy young'uns) or pure vinegar (for ever'thing else), but liquor is just as good and a whole lot tastier.
∑ Wild animals come in droves to the salt lick.† Sugar comes straight from nature, so it must be good for you.† And back in olden days, Indians smoked tobacco and they never recorded a single case of cancer!
BUBBA on the MIND
∑ A mind is a terrible thing to waste, so don't wear yours out by thinking too much about nothing.
∑ It pays to know a little about a lot, but knowin' a lot about little makes you ripe for picking.
∑ Facts are what you need when your imagination fails you.
BUBBA on the SPIRIT
∑ Two-step to your own fiddler.
BUBBA on the HEREAFTER
∑ Elvis ain't dead, but he ain't working regular, either.
∑ Management frowns on skinnydipping in the river Jordan. Some of 'em here won't take kindly to you calling the place Hog Heaven, either.
∑ When crossing the streets paved with gold, watch out for a hotdogger with a bumper sticker that says My other chariot is a pickup.
BUBBA on the COSMIC MYSTERIES
∑ You believe you're gonna lose ten pound one of these days, so how come you're so durned sceptical about flying saucers?
∑ On some planets, Earth is a real popular myth and ever'body's looking for stories about it. Half of 'em don't believe it exists, but that's okay--it don't have to be proved, just entertaining.
∑ You can always spot an old soul.† He's the one wearing a tee shirt with the words Atlantis - Been there, done that.
∑ Reincarnation means you're in a rut.
∑ Life's a joke and y'all are the punchline.
BUBBA on LIFE IN GENERAL
∑ You can have everything you want if you just don't ask for too much.
∑ The trouble with you humans is, you got more gumption than's good for you. There's a lot to be said for pure bone laziness.
∑ If you want to make your mark on the world, a fire tower is a good place to start.
∑ Ever'thing you really need to know about life, you can learn at the Grand Ole Opry.
∑ Don't let your inner child get above your raising.
∑ If you're still alive at the end of the day, celebrate or gripe. Either way, a six-pack is appropriate.
∑ If you meet the Buddha on the road don't touch it.† You don't know where it's been!
∑ If it's not your fault, don't feel guilty about it. If it is your fault, be sure to tell the same story all the time and folks won't ever be sure.
∑ A little rock-and-roll on Saturday night never hurt nobody, but George and Waylon and Willie and Johnny speak right to your soul.
∑ That tractor holding up traffic on the highway is God's messenger telling you to take life easy.
∑ Don't judge a book by its cover--the pictures inside might be real pretty.
∑ A journey of a thousand miles must start with one tank of gas, and usually ends with a new transmission.
∑ The biggest mistakes are the fault of the fellow who ain't there when the problem's found out.
∑ If the advice is free you'd do best to pen it up quick and lock the gate.
∑ Every troublemaker is bound to end up where the neighbors always knew he would.
∑ You canít bluff Fate. She's got all the aces and you ain't even holding cards.
∑ If you ever once set a good example, you'll have to live up to it for the rest of your life.
∑ Don't waste time worrying about past mistakes. You got a whole mess of 'em still to come.
∑ Don't bother worrying how it's all gonna turn out-- chances are, it'll be lots worse than you can imagine, anyway.
∑ If you're talking, you can bet your audience ain't listening so much as waiting.
∑ A buried hatchet is apt to turn up again when you plow the field.
∑ Sometimes it's a good idea to just shut up.
∑ It's easy to spot the genius in a crowd--he's the one always thinking up new ways of doing stuff when the old ways suit ever'body but him.
∑ The best gift you can give is something that don't need washing, fixing, or feeding.
∑ Just because it's true don't mean you ought to pay it any mind.
∑ It's a sin to tell a lie unless you make it big enough to be a yarn.
∑ Take the time to be polite. Good manners on your part make your enemies look purely common.
∑ Life is like a widow's casserole--you gotta bite into it 'fore you know what kind of filling you got, and then you gotta swallow it anyway.
∑ Grandbabies are the payoff for not killing your young'uns.
∑ If you're not sure what's going on around you, make up any story that gives you peace. Chances are, it'll be every bit as good as the truth.
∑ The quickest way to make yourself out a fool is to ape another one.
∑ When in doubt, sit real still and let somebody else stick his neck out.
∑ If you want to stand out, first make sure it ain't raining.
∑ Don't ask the question unless you're sure you want to hear the answer.
∑ Life's hard. Good thing it's short, too.
BUBBA on STICKIN' IT OUT
∑ Some folks seem awful proud of the fact that they're yellow-bellied enough to keep puttin' up with something they shouldn't.
BUBBA on FAITH
∑ Blessed are the possums, for their faith endures in spite of all the evidence.
BUBBA on SOUL MATES
∑ The possibilities are intimate!
∑ A good woman is the lard that greases the skillet of life.
∑ Logic loses out to instinct every time.
∑ The flame of love burns fierce, but it usually fizzles out before much gets scorched.
BUBBA on RELIGION
∑ Any church that expects you to come to Sunday school in a suit and tie, don't cater to working folks.
BUBBA on KARMA, DHARMA & FARMERS
∑ A man who keeps his fields plowed don't have no trouble finding his spiritual roots.
BUBBA on NATURAL RESOURCES
∑ The world used up the last ounce of gravity in 1936. Y'all have been on the honor system since then.
BUBBA on GARDENING
∑ Mint happens.
BUBBA on COMMUNICATION
∑ The information superhighway ain't the wave of the future...it's the CB radio of the 21st century.
BUBBA on THE FUTURE
∑ Wherever you go, there it is.